The Avoidance Cycle: How Facing What You're Resisting Can Set You Free

In our daily lives, we often find ourselves stuck in feelings of apathy or dissatisfaction. This state, where nothing seems to fulfill us or bring joy, is often the result of an avoidance cycle. We avoid uncomfortable tasks or difficult emotions, seeking distractions or immediate pleasures instead. However, this constant search for superficial satisfaction leaves us feeling even more unfulfilled in the long run. Psychological theories, like experiential avoidance from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), support the idea that avoiding negative experiences leads to increased dissatisfaction and distress (Hayes, Strosahl, & Wilson, 1999).

Instead of facing emotions like discomfort or anxiety, we seek to escape them. We get lost in TV shows, social media, or other activities that give us immediate pleasure. Studies show that such avoidance behaviors, like excessive social media use, are linked to increased stress and decreased well-being (Huang, 2017; Satici, Uysal, & Akin, 2015; Twenge & Campbell, 2018). Once these fleeting pleasures fade, we are left with the same feeling of emptiness.

As Carl Rogers, the founder of person-centered therapy, explains, the paradox is that when we accept ourselves as we are, then we can change. By accepting ourselves fully, we stop resisting our emotions, which helps us face discomfort directly. This self-acceptance counteracts avoidance, reducing resistance and fostering genuine change.

True satisfaction and well-being come from facing the uncomfortable with acceptance and compassion. Marsha Linehan, creator of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), teaches that avoiding discomfort only intensifies it. DBT includes distress tolerance skills, which help individuals face difficult emotions without resorting to avoidance. Techniques like the 'TIPP' (Temperature, Intense Exercise, Paced Breathing, Paired Muscle Relaxation) method are designed to manage overwhelming feelings.

Accepting Discomfort and Acting Despite It

When you feel apathy or anxiety, instead of distracting yourself, try a different approach: accept those emotions and make space for them. It's not about eliminating the emotion but about allowing it to be present as you move forward. Acknowledging the emotion can reduce its intensity, as recognition often diminishes the struggle against it.

If you go for a walk, do so while accepting your sadness or anxiety. If you clean your house, do so with the willingness to experience your emotions, without judgment. This process of acceptance takes time. It’s not about resolving the emotion immediately but about understanding it, fostering self-awareness, and guiding you toward meaningful change.

The Importance of Reconnecting with the Body

Emotions are not only experienced in the mind but are deeply felt in the body. Practicing mindfulness is a powerful way to return to the present moment, feel what’s happening, and explore emotions without escape. By paying attention to physical sensations, we discover new ways of relating to ourselves.

Overthinking often pulls us away from the body, creating a disconnect from sensations. Reconnecting with the body through mindfulness, such as focusing on the breath, helps break the cycle of overthinking. In moments of discomfort, staying present in the body and breathing calmly allows emotions to exist without immediate resolution.

Practical Examples to Apply This Idea

• Go for a walk: Not to escape sadness, but to explore it while helping your body move and break the cycle of overthinking.
• Reach out to a friend: Share your feelings to process them. Not everyone may listen effectively, and that’s okay; try not to take their reactions personally.
• Do that pending task: Clean the house or complete that task while accepting your feelings. Allow discomfort to be present while you take care of responsibilities.

Facing discomfort helps break the avoidance cycle and leads to greater well-being—not because you enjoy the task, but because you acted despite discomfort, accepting it in the process.

Conclusion

Acceptance and action are not about forcing yourself aggressively but about approaching life with compassion. While it’s natural to avoid pain, facing it with acceptance helps us overcome it. Carl Rogers and Marsha Linehan remind us that our beliefs and thoughts shape our experience. Rogers' emphasis on self-acceptance fosters a non-judgmental attitude, making change easier. Linehan's work in DBT shows that cultivating flexible beliefs leads to better emotional regulation and greater freedom, even when the path feels challenging.

While happiness may be a long-term outcome, the immediate goal is to reduce avoidance and develop healthier coping mechanisms. By facing what you're resisting, you create space for growth and well-being. Accept emotions as part of your process and experience them with compassion and mindfulness.

References

Huang, C. (2017). "Time Spent on Social Network Sites and Psychological Well-Being: A Meta-Analysis." Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 20(6), 346-354.

Satici, S. A., Uysal, R., & Akin, A. (2015). "Fear of Missing Out and Social Media Use: Mediating Role of Self-Esteem." World Journal of Education, 5(3), 1-9.

Twenge, J. M., & Campbell, W. K. (2018). "Associations between screen time and lower psychological well-being among children and adolescents: Evidence from a population-based study." Preventive Medicine Reports, 12, 271-283.

Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (1999). "Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: An Experiential Approach to Behavior Change." The Guilford Press.

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